I want my daughter
I want that sweet little girl that I have been praying for by name, pictures and all.
I want my little girl that has no other parents and it is crazy that it has all stopped due to paperwork.
I am really having a hard time reconciling this.
I am having a battle with coming to terms with the fact that I am able to provide a home and family to a child that has none because of documentation.
I have been extra slow to process this., more so than normal. But I need to get it out.
I am struggling with my want and my plan not aligning with His.
I really thought this was an easy one.
The emotional side is the loss. It is a mourning period. An area that no one really talks about. Or maybe doesn't think is real. But for me I lost a child this week. I lost my daughter. A sweet little 11 year old girl that was mine. Even if only in my prayers. For me it was real. For me she is gone.
Hard to explain.
Maybe it is one of those things in life that you will not understand unless you go through it.
Unless you make that all in, emotional journey.
I know that she may never know who I am.
I know that she may never know my family.
What I do want her to know that tonight there is someone who loves her and misses her.
There is someone who is thinking about her constantly and praying for her to be held by our Fathers hand.
There is someone who is praying for her to grow up big and strong.
To know the love of our Father.
To have a life that she is fulfilled with the glory of all that God has planned for her.
To feel happiness and love.
I know that you may never get this. You may never read this. But if you do, I want you to know that there is a whole big giant family of people that love you, that are thinking about you, that are praying for you. I know that God has a plan for you. It is a great and wonderful story that he will unravel before you. Be faithful and step out with boldness and walk that narrow road. It is a journey that may not be easy, but is so worth the travel. I know that you are a smart, sweet and wonderful woman. This is true because you are His child. Remember that always. Remember that all you need in life is our Fathers love and guidance. Nothing else matters but God. Keep Him in your heart and mind always. He will provide for you always in ways that you can never imagine. But always be grateful.
I need to let you know that I love you and miss you. I pray for the oppertunity that we may one day meet. That one day I can hug you.